cancer // from lindsey


We weren’t always best friends, growing up I never really appreciated having sisters … I remember Shea counting the number of hangers in her closet before she left the house so that she would know if a shirt is missing,  I would stuff her clothes in bags in the back of my closet so she couldn’t find them. I remember catching Shea kissing her boyfriend for the first time and being SO upset about it, running straight to mom to tattle on her. Then that one time she pulled my hair out and I twisted her finger backwards (possibly breaking it) probably over clothes or something dumb. And still haven’t really agreed on how Shea broke Sara’s collarbone when she was little? We had tons of good times too… not all terrible, but it wasn’t until about 3-4 years after high school, after I grew up and matured a little, ok a lot!!.. that I realized how amazingly blessed I am.


They are my very best friends, I call them for everything! I vent to them about everything! They are the ones who zipped me up in my wedding gown and told me how beautiful I looked, and I did the same on theirs. We know each other’s best and worst qualities, and if anyone ever did my sisters wrong they also did me wrong too! I’m so protective of them. I love them with my whole heart.

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I called Shea to see how her doctors appointment went, completely confident that it of course went fine! But it didn’t.. She says “I have cancer” … I can hear her voice get weak I know she’s crying and she hands the phone to Josh, he calmly explains everything that happened. I burst into tears, nothing else mattered anymore. I feel like it wasn’t real, like this was a terrible horrible dream. There’s no way my faithful, sweet, and loving sister who has just had her first baby has cancer! If anyone should get cancer it should be me! I’ve always made fun of her for being “granola” I’m the one who eats take out Mexican food every other night and drinks sweet tea and Coke all day. She doesn’t deserve this! I went to my moms that night to be with our family, to comfort Shea and Josh and try to make sense of everything.


I tried to go to work the next morning. I felt the lump in my throat, I wanted to cry so bad but I was trying so hard to get it out of my head. My thoughts were getting scary, I kept trying to picture my life without her. I literally couldn’t see it, I couldn’t even fathom the thought of it, it made me sick to my stomach. Then I couldn’t help but picture Eva, sweet baby Eva, all grown up and beautiful on her wedding day, without Shea there… I saw me and Sara trying our VERY best to make it the most special and thoughtful day for her. I know the devil put those thoughts in my head. Every time they creeped back in I prayed, screaming in my head, God please don’t take my sister away! God please let her see Eva grow old and gray.


A sweet client of mine asked how Eva was doing. She had no idea about the cancer. I burst into tears, I’m sure I scared her to death! I told her what happened to Shea the night before. I spent that whole morning trying my hardest to hold everything in and I just couldn’t anymore, I had to talk about it. I was such a mess I cancelled the rest of the day and left. I just wanted to be with Shea.

I drove to her house listening to the song ‘Oceans’ over and over in my car, bawling my eyes out, praying to God to please please heal her! Take this all away! I tried to calm down before I walked in, everyone says I need to be strong for Shea which is honestly not easy. She’s the person I come to with my problems and now I need to pretend like I’m okay but I’m not?! A part of me thinks maybe she wants to see my emotions and know that I’m just as upset about this, that’s what I would want at least?

I go inside Shea’s, our sweet friend Cindy is at her house, she is praying with Shea, Josh, my mother… and now me, too. Cindy has an amazing gift from God, she is such an inspiring and faithful woman. It was like it was meant to be, I had spent that whole morning being so anxious with knots in my stomach and completely distraught, and that moment at Shea’s house gave me such peace. After praying with them and desperately asking God for her healing we all felt so much better, I felt like we were really “doing something.” Seeing Shea and how calm she was made me feel better too, she’s my big sister after all, if she says it’s gonna be ok then I trust her! Thank you God for giving my family your Peace!


I know there is a reason for all this, Shea and Josh will be such an inspiration to couples, young and old. I know God is using Shea because she is a kindhearted, sensitive, giving, and godly young woman who can touch so many people’s hearts and bring them closer to him, including me and my family. So many people love Shea and look up to her, and now it will be many more! I can’t wait to see what beautiful moments he has planned for her LONG life!

Eva will be so proud of her mommy one day, she will read the hundreds of cards and emails and she will truly see how amazing she is, she will see what a strong couple her parents are, to have been through all that, all at once! And to come out of it even more connected and more faithful! She will feel so blessed to have them as her mom and dad. – Lindsey

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