cancer // the end of chemo

I did it! We did it. I finished the final round of chemo treatments. 18 treatments of chemo. 40 doses of radiation. It’s over!!!

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So many sweet friends offered up a big celebration that last day, but I definitely didn’t feel like a big party or even dinner. The last round of chemo was the hardest of all. They said it would build in my system and be a little harder each time, but this one hit me hard. I got sick at each treatment. My feet and hands went tingly and numb. I was extremely nauseated for almost a week afterwards and was the weakest I have ever felt, barely able to carry Eva around the house. For several days I could do nothing but lay in bed. I finally understood what so many other chemo patients talked about with my tiny taste of the awful side effects. I had just one week of that misery. Some people feel like that the entire time. For years even. I’m almost thankful for being able to commiserate with them, to fully understand what that poison can do to you. It sucks out the cancer, sure… but it sucks! I am SO beyond thankful I didn’t feel like that the entire time. I know it was all of your prayers. I know it was a blessing from God.

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These last 6 months have flown by and crawled. I know I need a blog post ‘What I learned from cancer’ but I’m not quite ready yet. (It’s coming! Don’t worry!) But I definitely haven’t absorbed it all. I haven’t processed what just happened. I’m not sure how I expected to feel at the end. I never thought about the end of treatments. I couldn’t handle thinking about more than one day at a time… it was too overwhelming.

There is a large part of me that hesitates to slap the word SURVIVOR on my journey, just yet. I hope that after my PET scan, I can finally exhale. The insurance requires waiting 6 weeks after to get my scan!!! Grrr. The doctors expect it to be clear, they say, and will use that as a baseline to compare all other scans to follow. Then there will be another scan to wait for… and another… every 3 months… for years. I am SO thankful they will be checking so closely, but I’m already anticipating the uneasy-ness waiting for the results from each one. Is that feeling doubt? Fear? Will I worry the rest of my life that it’s coming back? I know in my heart that God healed me. I know it’s gone. It HAS to be gone. PLEASE Lord let it be gone and never come back. I’m doing my best to rest in that. But it’s still scary.


I go back to the verses printed on my #loveprayshea bracelets.

Psalm 103 gives us a confident assurance that there will be an end to all the sickness in this world. Verses 1–4 says, “Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.” Even though in this life there are diseases like cancer, we have hope.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” I am trusting you, God. I am. 

So if you will all continue to pray with us… for the scan to be clean. For all scans that follow to be clean. For this nasty cancer to NEVER appear in my body, again. AND ESPECIALLY… pray for a cure to be found. For all of those who don’t get to slap ‘SURVIVOR’ on their journey. I read so many posts from the other women battling Small Cell Cervical Cancer. I can barely read their stories of it metastasizing in the brain and other organs. They have babies to raise, too! Please please pray for these strong women.

We will break out the confetti poppers very soon to celebrate… and that ‘what I learned from cancer’ post is in the works, too. :)


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