cancer // reality hits

cancer // reality hits

1.30.16 I think today has been the hardest yet. My body hurts worse today from the surgeries. The port is very sensitive and sore. It’s hard to turn my head, or move anything very much. My vision is off. I can’t look at my phone without getting a sick feeling. Hopefully it’s a temporary side-effect from some of the medicines. It’s hard to focus on anything close. It hurts to hold my baby. I haven’t nursed her since before my surgery.… Read more »

cancer // the surgery

1.28.16 I nursed Eva one more time at 4am before we left the house, I wasn’t sure if this would be the last time, but it seemed to be. I felt calm and peaceful entire ride up to St. Thomas. Once I was alone in the pre-opp room, though, I started getting scared and sad, tears started rolling down my face.  I don’t WANT to give up my organs, my ovaries, my baby’s womb! NO! Let me out of here!… Read more »

cancer // good news and my 34th birthday

1.25.16 FINALLY IT’S SCAN DAY! They set up an IV and ran radioactive fluids through my veins and I laid in the giant scanner for about 20 minutes. I sang ‘Bless the Lord O My Soul’ the entire time and clung to my prayer cloth. Then we waited and waited and waited to get the results. Josh, my sisters and dad were there. They kept us amused by giving dad his first tour down the facebook news feed. Ha! He said… Read more »

cancer // the longest weekend ever

1.21.16 I woke up and thought maybe it was a dream. Then Josh walks in and kisses me and starts crying and my stomach sank, it’s real. Eva was fussy and wanted to be held a lot. We spent all morning nursing and rocking. Josh tried to work some, but we got nothing done. I let more friends know and asked them to pray for us. The doctor called and kept trying to get the insurance company to approve the… Read more »

cancer // the diagnosis

1.20.16 We sat down in the consultation room, staring at the wall of pamphlets about surviving cancer, chemo, radiation. In the back of my mind, I wondered how it would feel to hear those words ‘you have cancer’, but push those thoughts away quickly… no, not me! As soon as the doctor sat down, I could tell he had bad news. ‘We found cancer cells. You have a rare aggressive cancer. Small cell endocrine carcinoma. Only 1% of women with… Read more »