cancer // the surgery


I nursed Eva one more time at 4am before we left the house, I wasn’t sure if this would be the last time, but it seemed to be. I felt calm and peaceful entire ride up to St. Thomas. Once I was alone in the pre-opp room, though, I started getting scared and sad, tears started rolling down my face.  I don’t WANT to give up my organs, my ovaries, my baby’s womb! NO! Let me out of here! I’m so thankful I got to see Josh before I went back, he quickly changed my focus to ‘THANK YOU GOD that we were able to catch this early and get it out. If that means my organs exit with the cancer, then so be it!’ Yes. Yes… breathe. Okay. 

Surgery is over. Everything is gone. Cancer, too. 

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Feeling better by each hour! SO SO thankful he was able to do the robotic surgery vs the traditional method, so I should be getting to leave tomorrow. I just have 5 small incisions on my stomach, not too bad. The doctor wants to go ahead and install my chemo port. He wants to start chemo treatments monday or tuesday, each 3 hours long, 3 days in a row, then i’ll have a 3 week break before radiation AND chemo combinations! He said the tumor had already grown in size since he checked last week, so we need to stick with the aggressive plan. I’m so glad it’s OUT OF THERE! I’m praying it didn’t leave one speck of any awfulness behind. 

The sisters and I discuss chemo side effects, like hair loss. Silver lining: maybe I wont have to shave my legs for awhile. I’m going to pick out a few fun new SUPER SHORT hairstyles before this mess falls out! Might go blonde like the sisters even. 

Getting some amazing rest in the hospital, the most sleep I’ve had since Eva was born, it’s like some sort of twisted vacation. I miss my baby so much!

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They are installing a port today… under my skin, for the chemicals to be pumped through me. Sara found a funny quote: CHEMO SUCKS… But if it sucks out the cancer, then yay!

I don’t feel like this is ME going through this. I feel like I’m watching a movie. It’s so strange. I know that my family and Josh are taking this much harder.

I know God will heal me and bring something good out of this. I know I will make it!

I got to come home today. It was so good to see my beautiful baby. It hurts to hold her. I have a bag of pee attached to a catheter to carry around. The port hurts pretty bad. I have a popped blood vessel under my eye. I’m looking pretty rough. I’m so tired. 

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